2023, You've Been Good to Me!

 It's been so long since I've written a blog post, I actually forgot how to get into my dashboard to start a new one! Sheesh!

Hello to anyone who might still be reading!! I doubt there are many, but that's OK. I figure I talk to myself so much, writing to myself isn't much different, is it? 

Inspired by my cousin's annual Christmas letter, I've decided to pen a little 2023 recap missive myself. I used to really enjoy doing Christmas letters, back when I made my own Christmas cards, and actually, you know, wrapped presents (instead of just having them sent via Amazon). I've not always been a slacker. Mostly. I haven't. Really. Shut up. 

Anyway... back to the missive! 

2023 - it was a pretty good year for me overall, really. And I don't remember the last time I said that. But it was. 

It started in England in January, for a long-awaited wedding and long-overdue catch-ups with family, both chance and chosen. Whoo whee, that trip was good for my soul! The last part of 2022 was difficult and I was so very weary, but ten days in my favorite place with my favorite people, and I was restored...  and motivated to make some changes in my life. I did, however, come home sick, with an ick that persisted for some time, so the shift in lifestyle took a bit of doing and a bit longer to start than I'd expected. But start I did. 

The photos from the wedding were a catalyst for me to make some physical changes. Photos have a way of doing that, don't they? (If you know, you know.) But I took a different approach than I normally do (go cold turkey on all the "bad" stuff, overdo all the "good" stuff, get tired, then quit). I started slowly. I made a change here and and another change there... more veggies and fruit, less fast food, more water, less sweet stuff. Then, in early May, I got serious. I made more dietary changes, started going to bed really early, and started working out (slowly, as my back had just about packed it in and wasn't handling movement well). I started doing virtual "Conquerer" challenges - walking, swimming, biking, etc., for medals. One of the fitness people I follow on social media called what I was doing, showing up for myself. I liked the sound of that. I realized I hadn't been showing up for myself. At all. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I had shown up for myself. But I still struggled at times, so I started to do something else completely new to me - I rested. I breathed. I gave myself grace. Mostly, I didn't give up. And then I started again. And now I'm starting to see what resting, breathing, grace, some hard work, and showing up results in -- a happier, healthier me! I still have a ways to go to get to where I really want to be - feeling strong and healthy and in less pain - but I do believe I'll get there. And I now believe, for the first time ever, I think, that I can maintain it for the long-term. That's big. 

Other than that, in January I started my second year at my job with the State of Virginia. I love this job. I really do. It's interesting and rewarding, my work team is fantastic and so much fun, and I'm finally at a salary that doesn't feel dramatically 'too little.' It's enabled me to breathe a bit. It's the first job I've had for a long, long time where I feel completely capable... where I don't suffer 'imposter syndrome.' I've missed that feeling! And it's a job I can do into retirement... as long as my memory holds. It's not perfect. No job is. But it's good and I'm really happy there. 

My girl is living her life two hours away from me. I miss her but she's living with the love of her life in an adorable (if a bit crappy) apartment, close to her lifelong bestie, in a great part of a city we both love, and she's doing work that, while not at all what she wants to do long-term, is paying the bills. Mostly. She's struggling in the way most 20-somethings struggle; she's paying her dues; she's paving her way; she's figuring out how to be an adult in an unkind (but also amazing) world. I know she'll be OK. She has great love and friendship, she's smart and capable, she has surrounded herself with music and art and incredibly interesting people, and she has a mama who thinks the sun rises and sets on her. She'll be OK. And since I just bought a new car, I'll be heading down the road to see her a bit more often! 

Beyond that, I was diagnosed with ADHD this year. At 58-years-old. It was both wonderful and awful. Wonderful because I realized that nearly all of the parts of me that I've considered lacking - all the  shortcomings, failings, flaws, etc. - for my ENTIRE life, could be attributed to this condition - this condition I never once considered could possibly be mine. It enabled me to start the process of forgiving myself for all my perceived failures. But it was awful in that since I found out, I've spent so much time wondering how my life might have been different - might have been better - had I known that I wasn't really a lazy, procrastinating slob who simply couldn't do things the way other people seemed to be able to, no matter how I tried... had I known that my brain is simply wired differently and there were steps I could have taken to manage and mitigate the symptoms that have plagued me and made my life SO hard for decades. And now I'm trying to do just that. To figure out what I'm struggling with that's an ADHD symptom and then figure out how to approach it to make it better. It's like putting together a puzzle that's pretty much all the same color and *might* just have a few missing pieces. But at least I now know it's a puzzle now... and not this gaping black hole that was leaching my soul's energy day by day. That's something! 

And other than all of that, my days (and nights) are filled with the three hooligans who run my house - Finn, Pip, and Cricket. They're all good... they're all a mess... they're all mine. And I wouldn't have it any other way. 

So as the year winds down, I'm looking back happy. Mostly. I'm looking ahead with some hope - hope that was in short supply for the past several years. I've got a couple of trips planned, a lot more walking and swimming to do, books to read, plans to start writing again (beyond Facebook posts, that is), and who knows what else I might be able to get into...? Time will tell. 2024 will tell. So bring it on... I'm looking forward to it, for the first time in a while. 

Hey, 2024! Let's try to be as good - or better - than 2023, 'k? 'K. 

Hope your holidays are wonderful and 2024 brings you everything you hope for! 

XO,