Acts of Survival

"I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival." Audre Lorde

First thing Friday morning, my boss opened our staff meeting by asking all of us for our 'self care plans.'

I love that she's concerned with our overall well-being and not just how we're managing at work. We're a small non-profit that does social work and our jobs are demanding and stressful. When you work for and with clients who need so much from you, it can be really easy to get caught up in them... and forget about you. And when you empty all your reserves, you have nothing left for anyone else. Our boss knows this (she's a keeper, really).

 

A few people looked like deer caught in headlights. Our office is primarily made up of women - women who have to take care of other people besides themselves. Several have little ones at home and, from experience, I know it can be really difficult to focus on yourself when you have kids (who need to eat every day(!), who want you to Watch this, Mom! 200 times per hour, who have busier social schedules than you do, etc). And even when they're not little, it's still hard. Not that long ago, I was caught between being a single mother to a teenager and a caregiver for my own mother, whose health (and mind) was failing rapidly. It was beyond overwhelming and utterly exhausting.

As it turned out, everyone in our office does something for themselves (even if a few people, our boss included, realized they need to up their game). Self care activities ranged from taking walks and spending time with pets, to 'best friend dates,' to getting massages, to learning a new language. Good stuff.

The concept of self care seems to be popping up everywhere right now - all over social media, in the news, in books and magazines, etc. And while I normally find the 'concept/issue du jour' supremely annoying (as we tend to focus on ONE THING intensely for a week or two and then it goes away, usually unresolved, never to come up again... but that's a topic for another blog post altogether), I don't feel that way about this one.

Self care isn't a new concept, certainly, but people do seem to be spending more time talking about it now than in the past. I think it's likely because the whole world seems to be falling apart and so many people are struggling with the mess, that care - any kind of care - is something we all need more of. We seem to be feeling a collective need for comfort. And it definitely seems (to me, anyway) to be a female thing, though it shouldn't be, as men need to take care of themselves as well. But I do think that women - especially mothers - have a greater need, given the fact that they tend to spend more time nurturing others and working 'round the clock with little down-time, whether they work outside the home or not. I know there are men who do it as well, but I haven't observed them very often in my own experience. My ex-husband, for example, was the King of Self Care (and we had a million dollars in golf paraphernalia to prove it).

As I say, I'm glad it's a focus at the moment because I tend to be someone who forgets about it... who leaves myself to the last... who gets the leftover scraps of what everyone else gets (unless there are cookies. Or pizza. I'm on those like white on rice, baby, and I get my share first!). And I've been forced to think about it quite a bit lately.

Recently I spent the night in the hospital, having every test known to man, because I thought I was having a heart attack. It wasn't my heart (whew!). It was reflux... and anxiety. But my doctor, after spending quite a long time talking to me about my life and habits and lifestyle in general, suggested (where suggested = ordered) that if I don't want to deal with stress-related illnesses (which are scary, man) down the road, I need to find ways to alleviate the amount of stress I'm under now... and I need to do it quickly.

Erm...

You know that phrase easier said than done?

That.

But I felt like I owed it to myself to try, because I want to survive.

Actually, I want to thrive...

So I started making lists... lists of self care activities... my Acts of Survival...

I came up with a bunch of things. Many of them involve being outside in the fresh air and sunshine, which is always good for the body and soul...

But since it hasn't stopped raining here since 2017, I put some of them on hold. 

It's all good (she says with a groan). 

Thankfully, there were other things on my list... things like taking a pottery class (which I started a couple of weeks ago and am loving, even if my pieces don't ever look like what they're supposed to look like). Prompted by a friend at the park this morning, I'm looking at taking a creative writing class soon, too. I renewed my gym membership for a whole year (instead of the month-to-month way I was doing it, which allowed me to let it lapse easily and go for long stretches without it) and splurged on a new swimsuit and paddles. I planned (and paid for - no excuses!) a trip to Chicago to see one of my besties (which will include getting to see two of my SHEroes speak - Abby Wambach and Glennon Doyle!) and a trip to Acadia NP in Maine (one of my favorite places on the planet) this summer with another bestie. I'm also decluttering my house (see my Reformation post) and I'm (obviously) blogging again! 

All good stuff, man!

I think, though, that my greatest act of survival has been the decision to treat myself gently... to embrace the voice in my head that belittles and demeans and give her some love (see my Love Lenses post). 

I decided to remember that I am worth caring for. 

I hope you're practicing your own acts of survival! If you are, I'd love to hear about them! And if you're not, I hope you give it some real thought, starting right this minute! 

Because you are worth caring for. This I know for sure. 

XO,