2024: The Year of Showing Up for Myself

 

A while back, I was scrolling Instagram and I landed on a post by a fitness coach I'd been following for a bit. I liked him initially because he really seemed to understand that for many of us, being fit isn't simply as easy as eating less and going to the gym. It can take Herculean effort that we don't always have because... well... Life. In a way that many other online coaches don't seem to understand, he gets how depression and illness and pain and plain old self-sabotage can impact health. He's no-nonsense, but also compassionate and kind. My sort of coach. 

In this particular post, he said something I would hear him say many times over the course of the next few of months - he said that if you want your life to change, you have to show up for yourself.

You have to show up for yourself. 

I'll be honest; I didn't really know what he meant. I mean, if I really thought about it, I probably did, but I'd never really thought about it. So I did. Think about it, I mean. What does it mean, exactly? How do I show up for myself? What does that look like? I realized I'd spent a whole lot of time showing up for other people... but very little time or effort showing up for me. And though I didn't want to analyze why that was, I figured glossing over a major issue (you know, like I normally do) probably wasn't wise, so I put on my therapist hat (I got it at Target, in case you want one) and did a little digging. I didn't like what I found.

I won't relay the lengthy, sometimes tear-filled (sometimes f-bomb-filled) chats I had with myself (regular-me isn't crazy about therapist-me, if I'm being honest). But what it all came down to was that, for whatever reason (and there were many reasons), I had come to the conclusion that I wasn't worth showing up for. 

Ugh. 

I was reminded of the time I was in therapy with an actual therapist and we were doing a deep dive into dark, unchartered waters. I'd made a comment to myself that I felt was truthful, if harsh. My therapist (a lovely woman I wanted to adopt me) asked me if I would ever speak to my then-5-year-old daughter that way and I replied, horrified, "No! Of course not!" She asked me why. I said I wouldn't do it because I loved my daughter. She just looked at me for a long moment... and then she said, "Let's sit with that for a bit, shall we?" 

Ugh. 

You'd think that since that therapist eventually declared me mentally fit and sane (ha!), I would have worked through that mess, right? Wrong. I mean, I might have... in that moment... but it certainly didn't stick. And there are lots of reasons for that. Lord have mercy, there are. What I've come to realize, pretty recently, actually, is that this effort of loving myself, speaking to myself gently, and taking care of my physical and mental health is not, in fact, a one-off. 

Who knew? 

I've come to realize that all of this - all of this stuff surrounding being a truly healthy me (mentally and physically) - is LIFE-LONG. 

Who knew? And who decided that? Sheesh. 

And with this realization, my friends, came the understanding of what it means to show up for myself. I get it. I finally get it. It means putting myself on the front burner (where I have never resided, not in my whole life). It means making myself a priority (wha?!). It means doing the things that are good for me, not with my normal MO - full-speed-ahead for a few months to reach a goal - but slowly and steadily, forever. It means resting when I need to. It means accepting help (or, gulp, asking for it) when I need it. It means giving myself grace (oh, so much grace). It means accepting all of the parts of me - even the parts I've previously tried to squash down so I don't have to deal with them (and that is hard, peeps!).  It means - and this is big, y'all - not hating myself because I'm human and I mess up (a lot). It means giving myself the love that I extend to others and understanding that not only do I deserve it, that I am worthy of that love. 

So immediately, for several months, showing up for myself meant getting outside for walks, getting to the pool to swim, eating good-for-me food, getting my budget under control - things like that. And it worked. I started feeling better. 

I decided there was something to this thing. 

So I decided to keep doing it. 

And I have done.

And I decided that 2024 is going to be the Year of Showing Up for Myself every single day.  I've made a list of 24 goals to strive for between now and December 31. Though I do this most years with the absolute best intentions (the road to Hell and all), but then let them fall by the wayside, this year I feel like I can reach them. My whole mindset has shifted to a place it's never been before. And it's good. 

I plan to document the journey here for anyone who wants to follow along, but mostly for (you guessed it) myself. So stick around. Or don't. It's all good!

And tell me, how are you showing up for yourself this year? 

XO,