Breathing Underwater

For Christmas this year, among other lovely things, my daughter gave me a journal. On the inside cover was this inscription: Her heart and brain do not weigh her down, but are set aflame; they singe her skin, they make her radiant. She is your mother.  She is you, years from now. Let your definition of beauty begin with her. They are lines from a poem called Mother Courage . She wrote it for me, for my 50th birthday, and performed it as a spoken word piece in front of an auditorium full of people to spectacular applause. It was stunning. It took my breath away and it made me cry. Proud and touched, I posted it on my Facebook page, where it was shared over and over and viewed nearly 2,000 times.  It remains the best gift I have ever been given. But if I'm honest, I'm not living up to her words. My heart and brain have been weighing me down. I am not radiant. I do not feel beautiful. I feel tired and worn, dull and heavy - in every way. Yesterday, ...

A while back, I did a blog post about how, because I've been through so much in the past couple of decades, very little really scares me anymore. And a little while after that, I did one specifically about how the thought of death doesn't really frighten me. Yeah.  I lied.   Now, I didn't lie intentionally, mind you. I still believe there is little I'm truly afraid of. And, in general, the thought of dying doesn't worry me so much... but I have found out that the idea of dying right now? Scares the bejeebies out of me, people. I spent Wednesday afternoon and evening in the emergency room. I was sent there by my doctor's office because my blood pressure had been ranging between 178/98 and 210/110. For those of you not in the know, those are not good numbers. The nurse at my doctor's office used the words, "stroke range" and asked if I wanted them to call the rescue squad to come get me.  Gulp. Now, I've never had hi...

The definition of the word ' live ' is: "to be alive." The definition of the word ' deliberately ' is: "consciously and intentionally; on purpose." So, when you put them together, ' to live deliberately ' means "to be alive, consciously and intentionally; on purpose."  That? Does not describe the way I'm living. It doesn't. In fact, I haven't been living deliberately for a long time. I mean, I experience little pockets of living with intention , but by and large, my life over the long last while has been happening to me, not because of me. I expect most of us could say that at times. We get so caught up in the 'must dos,' in the putting out of fires, in the crisis management, in the daily drudgery, that we forget what it means to really live consciously.  Please say that's not just me. It's you, too, right? Sometimes? Ever? Regardless, I've decided it's time to make a ch...

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving (also known in our house as Elastic-Waist Pants Day ). Frankly, I've had mixed feelings about that holiday for a long time, but this year it's enabling to me to take five days off, which I get to spend with my daughter, and I'll have dinner with wonderful friends. So I'm not going to look at it all too closely, shake my head at the excess it seems to inspire, or complain about anything. I'm going to enjoy it.  The thing I really do like about Thanksgiving is that also inspires gratitude... and better yet, gratitude spoken aloud. That's pretty nice, really. I try hard (and mostly succeed) to recognize and express gratitude every day, for big and small things. I work in an industry where many people have precious little and/or deal with seemingly insurmountable obstacles, so I find it's necessary for my own well-being to be grateful for what I have; for what I'm given. Today I'm going to list, with a grateful heart, many...

Today's one-word writing prompt was ' Legacy ,' submitted by my friend Amy Marie, whose legacy will be a wonderful trio of intelligent, caring humans who were loved without limits by their mother. When I read the word I pulled out of my prompt jar this evening, I fully expected to do a timed writing about the sort of legacy I mentioned above - something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past  ( Merriam-Webster ). But that's not where my pen took me.  It happens. So, have you ever heard of Swedish Death Cleaning ?  (Yeah, you didn't expect that, did you? I didn't either but here we are.) It's a pretty neat concept, really. Basically, once a person hits late middle age (or whenever they want, I guess), they begin ridding themselves of all the material possessions they've accumulated that they don't need anymore - so that no one else has to do it after they die (that's the 'death'...

Today's writing prompt was the word ' Humanity ,' submitted by my lovely friend, Marylou Van de Klundert, who spreads kindness and beautiful humanity wherever she goes (and she goes everywhere!). I've been thinking a lot about the idea of  humanity lately (I suspect many people have), as it seems to me, given all the horrible things going on in the world and some of the vile people in charge of those events, that we've lost ours. Maybe not completely, but to a significant degree. I looked up the dictionary definition of humanity before I started my timed writing this evening (I often do this. Even though I know what the word means, the definition can give me a different perspective or idea). Of course, 'humanity' has two definitions, the first being "human beings; collective humankind." The second - the one I think of first - is "humanness, benevolence." Synonyms are compassion, kindness, mercy, brotherly love . Good stuff, ri...

Today's blog post is inspired by the word 'Joy,' submitted by my friend Suzanne Vance (one of the most joyful people I've ever known).  I actually groaned when I pulled this word (randomly) from my prompt jar. I haven't been feeling terribly joyful lately. In fact, I've felt like I've been teetering on the edge of that black hole we call depression for a while. But my self-imposed rule (in order to train myself to write about whatever topic is thrown my way) forced me to work with the word I pulled. And as I promised I would, I sat down and wrote. When doing timed writings, the whole point is not to think about what you're putting down on paper. The goal is simply to write; to keep the pen moving and not stop for the duration. If you suddenly find yourself with nothing to say, you simply write, "I don't know what to say" a few times... and inevitably, something will appear. It might not be related to what you started with, but t...